


The Promise I Made To You

by Nihonkikuasa211



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: Death, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Malaya-centric, Moral Dilemmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-14 00:30:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5722825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihonkikuasa211/pseuds/Nihonkikuasa211
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Carla's death, Malaya grieves and thinks about the tiny premature baby without a mother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Promise I Made To You

                                                              _The Promise I Made To You_                                                                         

 

                The memory of meeting Carla was still as vivid as the day Malaya had met her. The senior resident who had immediately grasped Malaya’s heart the moment she saw the beautiful, confident woman. She could still remember the giddy feeling of going on their first date, Malaya stumbling over her words and Carla looking at her with an amused smile. _I thought the hardest thing in my life would be to say goodbye to you,_ the dark-haired resident thought as she willed herself not to cry. She had already cried enough inside her heart, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to come back if actual tears came from her eyes. _It’s too much…_ She had witnessed Carla’s last moments, remembering the gentle smile – so full of love and forgiveness it took all of Malaya’s power to not plead for Carla to stay, to please stay – but then she had closed her eyes and the flat line had sounded. Malaya had never wanted to hear that sound more than any time in her life. She was aware of still holding Carla’s hand, looking at her face as if she was only asleep and this was a terrible nightmare, and that Carla was alive and still pregnant and happy. Malaya hadn’t understood why Carla had refused treatment. There was still time to treat the cancer, time that could be spent fighting for her life instead allowing it to wither away. And perhaps Carla could try again, try for another baby…but her lover was already attached and wouldn’t listen to reason. That was how Malaya had thought then.

            She had understood that it was hopeless. Once Carla had her mind on something, she wouldn’t change it. And so Malaya had attempted to call her, to use whatever time they had to spend together. At one point, after Carla had refused to talk to her, Malaya had found herself looking at adoption plans and stared photos of babies – healthy babies with pink cheeks and little hair with fat faces – with happy families until her eyes turned blurry. Malaya had no idea if Carla had made any plans for the baby if she died after the baby was born. The question was the farthest from her mind as Carla gave birth, screaming as baby Phillip entered the world. It was a beautiful moment overshadowed by sorrow, especially when Carla had suddenly become unresponsive. She remembered, with a heavy heart, of how Carla had looked as she held the tiny baby in her arms. Shortly afterward Phillip had to go back to the NICU, and the expression of longing on Carla’s face was enough to make the dark-haired resident want to weep. _Please, just another more day._ Malaya had thought this throughout the hours of labor and the sight of Phillip in his mother’s arms. _Please, if not for me, for her son._

          Bur Carla had died.

          The world seemed empty and colorless now as Malaya watched the California sun. It was empty because Carla wasn’t here anymore, and the color that had given to her when Carla was alive was gone now. Phillip would never know his mother. He wouldn’t have any memories of her, not even of the briefest memory of warmth that Malaya still remembered as an infant. Mama had said that Phillip would know his mother because of her. The first year resident closed her eyes and hoped – no prayed, that Phillip would survive. He _had_ to, for he was one of the only living memories of her lover that Malaya had left. Dr. Rorish had stated that Phillip was a strong name, the name of the father of Alexander II, whose empire had reached across Persia. The tiny extreme premature baby had no living relatives. His grandfather and namesake had died years ago. Malaya could still remember Carla sobbing into her arms, her grief real and hurting so much as tears trailed down her cheeks from her swollen eyes. Her father had been the first one to accept Carla for who she was, telling her that only his baby’s happiness mattered to him. Her mother had died when Carla was young, a Mother’s Day present always on her grave when Carla went to visit her.

      Malaya finally allowed herself to cry when she thought of how Carla would always make her feel special on her birthday, telling that with no questions or arguments that she would take a day off and they would spend time together. Those days were the happiest of Malaya’s memories. _I miss you…_ she thought as tears streamed from her eyes, _I miss you so very much already, Carla._

     Malaya didn’t know what would happen to Phillip. Many couples looking to adopt wanted a baby, and Malaya knew that she was not ideal. She was a first year resident with many hours at the hospital, and young with no experience raising children. Only having a broken heart and a baby that needed significant medical care. _I don’t know what to do, but I know I cannot let him go. I want to be part of his life…in whatever way possible. I promised to myself and Carla that I would let him in my life._

_Carla, I promise. I will make you son feel as if he is the most wonderful person in the world, just as how I felt with you. I promise you._


End file.
